Monday, December 23, 2013

Searching for my dream

If someone had asked me what my dream was a year ago, I just might write down a list of things I wish to achieve- my dreams. However, at this point in my life, it seems that I have to learn to dream again even though at times it seems hopeless that I'll ever achieve it. I need to get over the super realistic side of me and try to be daring whilst I'm still young to reach for my dreams.

     I feel that, every time I start to dream, someone either an acquaintance or a stranger manages to ruin it just within minutes with their negative comments or equally super realistic views on the possibilities of me achieving it. I know that it's not their problem, it's mine. I shouldn't let others' opinions easily affect my decision when it comes to my future. I wonder if this realization that I've been letting others get to me came too late.

    Currently, I am still standing at a crossroad as I'm still undecided as to what I want to do or study in the next 5 years or so. I'm still trying to figure out what my passion is and what career I want to pursue. I have never thought that I would ever come to this point in my life. I dislike the lack of predictability of my situation as, to be honest, I'm quite a control freak.

     I know that I should just let it go and let God lead the way but sometimes I just couldn't help it. I just want to know that I have a goal, a destination for me to put my focus in. But I'll try to let go. Maybe by then, things will make sense to me and I'll find what my calling is.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


Just when I thought the friendship that I share with one of my besties, S is no longer the same, she surprised me yesterday with a phone call. I was surprised as knowing her, she would not be the one to make the call when she's away from home (she's trying to reduce her phone expenses). When I thought the distance that had separated us physically would leave a gap between us, chatting with her made me realize our friendship still prevails.

        When I picked up my phone, I expected awkward silence in between our conversation. It left me a good feeling as our conversations flow with ease. It really made my day, knowing that I could count on her as a friend.

        Once, a friend remarked that sometimes she sensed that I am afraid of losing a friend. When she told me that, I remembered denying that statement in haste. Now that I think about it, maybe I am. I disliked the feeling of losing someone. Then again, who doesn't ?

        This year, with most of my friends flying off to study elsewhere and some went on to continue their Form 6 education, I feel that our friendships are at risk. That if both parties do not put in some effort, the friendship that we share will inevitably change. Deep in my heart, I know that even if I still keep in contact with my mates, we might no longer share the common interests or topics that have once drawn us closer as friends.

        Nevertheless, I consider it a blessing to have these people in my life, even if it's just for a short while, to help me through the phases in life and to be the ones whom I share happy and even bittersweet memories with.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.

~Lyrics to Thompson Square's 'Glass'

Rion Paige's rendition of Thompson Square's song- 'Glass', is just beautiful.

I could not believe that listening to her singing this song would actually bring tears to my eyes. I finally gave X Factor USA another chance after a disappointing season 2. To my surprise, X Factor USA season 3 is full of talents. Needless to say, I had trouble picking a favourite and also in predicting who's going to be sent home next.

I feel that I could somehow relate to the lyrics of 'Glass', but maybe not directly to the meaning the lyrics convey.